Year of the Tiger, commencing 2/14/2010 (Metal-flavored.) So Baby & I, we shall share Chinese Zodiac Signs. Hmmm. Is D a tiger? He's a 1986 baby, but very early: and their New Year starts later, and erratically. Should I research it, or just let him be a tiger, which I like?
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The Dalai Lama's goal was to connect with everyone. I don't think pregnancy has to limit a larger sphere of charity; at least I hope not. When I feel really depressed, it's easy to blame it on my condition, but I ALWAYS get depressed. I could be facing some difficulties because of hospital acquired MRSA (if you don't know what it stands for, there was an article about it on the front page of the KJ) today, and the gunshot wound in my foot which needs good circulation. Lots of people know already, which is fine I suppose.
There are a lot of things which deserve to be said / explored in regards to having children. A recent article R linked to D concerned the way men who face an early/unplanned pregnancy are praised for "manning up," whereas a woman who mothers -and to this day, engages in the vast majority of direct childcare - is just doing what is considered instinctive and obvious for her. There is a lot to say, yes. And maybe some people have so much energy that dampening it would not be a bad thing? I don't know. Everyone wants more energy it seems, like more money, but it's about allocation, I think.
This is really a brief note, to say that although I am in the family way, and beyond preoccupied, and concerned (last night, sobbing, I started to write a blog that was about nothing but wanting to die. I deleted it- something I used to never do, but have a few times in the recent past, and hopefully, perhaps, will do more) today my heart swelled and I blasted The Cure in the Ipod, with its machine guns and war drum electronic sounds, and sexual stand up bass, and I felt expansive looking at the outlines of the city in the setting sun. Not only expansive, but giddy: in a way I feared might have died (I always feel like it's gone, that magic excitement; it always comes back.) Regardless of the circumstances, I have a wildly moody temperament; what goes down, must
