may be unnecessary.
- I broke up with my boyfriend tonight. Implications or permanency of this decision to be announced. For now I feel calm. He displayed violence again, not direct, but he had a zoney zombie look in his eyes and spent yet another day doing nothing tangible or goal oriented while I scrambled. I don't have the energy to frame this more compassionately.
- The priorities of a single woman determined to taste fleeting nectars, and destroy herself, temporarily, with lust, are quite different from a woman already thinking of being a mother.
- On one website for low income/ teenage/ whatever mothers (I consider myself to have some things in common with teenage mothers, particularly in light of major demographic shifts) I was perusing weeks ago, I read that one of the best coping mechanisms a pregnant woman could learn was to stop relying on a disinterested boyfriend for support. This stuck with me.
- I started a lucrative, and convenient, nannying job today with a ten year old boy I used to baby sit five years ago. He's very special and musical and rowdy. He has a motorbike that he loves and made sauteed mushrooms with teryaki sauce AND oregano. In the throes of the first trimester, I feel almost murdered by that combination, but I like his spirit. He's a tough guy but leaned on my shoulder a little when I read out loud to him.
- I bought a car today for only $800, and six months worth of insurance. It has some issues (the driver's seat window is stuck in the partly open position, but that's easily fixed, I hear, with an easy-to-install motor; the radio stopped working but El suspects it's the fuse) but it runs great, and no payments.
- I had an OB consult yesterday morning. "Is the father in the picture?" "Not really, but he contributed some good genetics, I think." Need blood work done, see the doctor on Monday, and a dreaded pap smear. But if I can't handle that... it's gonna be rough. (Caeserean! Caeserean! But no...)
- I got offered an interesting job that I applied for - direct support, in-home and giving rides/ going for outings with individuals with mental retardation or mental health "issues"- for a decent wage and lots of hours but they can't guarantee I wouldn't be exposed to heavy tobacco smoke, so I probably can't take it. I may just try it out, see whether this happens, and quit immediately if it does, even though that's a dishonest approach.
- Although I'm sort of taking care of business, it all falls rather flat in the face of remembering what is about to go down.
- I LOVE cereal. With sliced banana. I've been eating such rich nonsense, I forgot how good the plain and subtly sweet can be.
